Week 4: Fishy Fajitas 3-6 Multiple Scoregasms

This is a game in which the opposing team scored six goals to the Fajitas' three and the referee was fucking catwank. Oweners says he scored a belter, yet no-one can remember it.

Goal count:

Kingy: 8
Tiers: 6
Oweners: 3
Whitters: 2
Owers: 2
Ashers: 2
Marrers: 1
Moraners: 1
Taggers: 1
Northers: 1

Man of the match: The roof ant came from the shadows to outclass us all again.

Person of the Match count:

Fitty: 2
Tiers : 2
Kingy: 2
Roof Ant: 2
Ashers: 1
Whitters: 1
Oweners: 1
Taggers: 1

Week 4: Dirty Fajitas 3-0 Derby UDE Squad

Dirty got their first win this week with a commanding performance against the league's bottom team. Kingy scored a beautiful little spanker from a tight angle. Tiers and Ashers also got one each. The rest of the game's happenings have been lost to the sands of time.


This game was attended by a record number of Fajitas, thanks guys and gals!

Goal count:

Kingy: 6
Tiers: 6
Whitters: 2
Oweners: 2
Owers: 2
Ashers: 2
Marrers: 1
Moraners: 1
Taggers: 1
Northers: 1

Man of the match: Kingy. Can't remember why.

Person of the Match count:

Fitty: 2
Tiers : 2
Kingy: 2
Ashers: 1
Whitters: 1
Oweners: 1
Roof Ant: 1
Taggers: 1

Week 3: Fishy Fajitas 1-4 Red Stripe Belgrade

The evidence is mounting for the alleged conspiracy against the Fajitas; not only were they forced to play two consecutive games this Wednesday (and on numerous forthcoming occasions), they also had to contend with playing against a team fielding at least two ringers from the Premier League. It really does seem that there is some higher power out there who is willing to pull any stunt to try to halt the March of the Fajitas.


Fishy did not help their cause however, firstly with a shocking performance from Marrers in goal (the second goal in particular was cringe-worthy) and secondly their contribution to this year's Danny Baker Christmas DVD; making two substitutions at the exact same time, with Red Stripe on the attack. Needless to say, they scored with ease.


Even the introduction of the fresh-legged Matters could not facilitate a more realistic scoreline for the Fajitas however; once again the opposing 'keeper had a match-winning performance. Eventually Tiers pulled one back with a delightful low drive, but for now finishing remains Marrers' merry men's biggest headache.


Goal count:


Kingy: 5
Tiers: 5
Whitters: 2
Oweners: 2
Owers: 2
Ashers: 1
Marrers: 1
Moraners: 1
Taggers: 1
Northers: 1


Man of the match: Tiers. A goal and a truly passionate performance. Plus, he bought Marrers a pint later. But that has nothing to do with it.

Person of the Match count:

Fitty: 2
Tiers : 2
Kingy: 1
Ashers: 1
Whitters: 1
Oweners: 1
Roof Ant: 1
Taggers: 1 

Week 3: Dirty Fajitas 0-3 The Originals

At the press conference recently to confirm that "it's good to have some colour in the team", the run of recent results came up. "Please don't tell me you lost to a team fat pricks!" queried Billers. Marrers only replied with "yes, we lost. Yes they were large. As for the 'pricks' part - there was an M.S.B. present".

This is the second time in as many games the Fajitas have had to deal with an M.S.B., and Whitters did so by almost making him cry with a simply beautiful, meaty challenge near the half way line. It was so beautiful infact that M.S.B. did not bother making any kind of violent comeback (otherwise known as "just desserts") for the remainder of the game.

Dirty were presented with a tactic they'd never faced before - 3 brick shithouses of a defence with one goal hanger. Upon losing the early goal (again), the Originals' goal was absolutely peppered. Absolutely peppered. To the point where several Dirty boys appeared sweatier than a Wednesday night Sarry's kebab. On several occasions, Tiers ended up sandwiched between two Originals.

All this talk of food must have spurred the opponents on, because somehow they ran out 3-0 winners; despite some of the best Fajiting football ever seen!

This match report is a little short because Marrers' very sexy and extremely kinky secretary was still in the crèche for the game.

Man of the match: Taggers. An anonymous Fajita nominated him, so that's how it goes as Marrers is losing his memory in his old age.

Person of the Match count:

Fitty: 2
Kingy: 1
Ashers: 1
Whitters: 1
Tiers : 1
Oweners: 1
Roof Ant: 1
Taggers: 1 

Week 2: Dirty Fajitas 3-4 Public Services Group X

Whats That? You're a Moany Scouse Bitch? - by Taggers. Corrected (in theory) by Marrers ;)

Well it all seemed we were destined to fail without our star player/team coach, Alex the “Marrers” Marriott; for the first half it seemed that this was going to be true for the Fajitas as we went 1-0 down in the first ten minutes. It is widely reported that Matters was at fault for this goal. He is a fucking cocktease. This didn't seem to affect Moraner's game as he was as enthusiastic as ever, chasing down every ball and clattering everyone in sight. It looked like the Fajitas had a way back into the game when one of the Public Servicemen put a foot into the box. Oweners then stood up to partake in what would obviously be the most important moment of his footballing career to date. The pressure was obviously getting to him as he hit it a foot high and it rebounded back into open play. (I blame the fitties who were on the balcony, obviously only there to put the Fajitas off their game). The game carried on with Whitters making some fine saves to keep the Fajitas in the game and Oweners having a few decent shots to try and make up for his earlier blatant match fixing penalty miss. Again, the fitties had agreed to let him cop a feel if he sabotaged the game.

Just when the Fajitas looked like they were getting back into the game: BANG, the services went 2 up. This gave Tiers and Matters much displeasure as they showed with a heavy use of profanities.

Time for a change: Twinkle toes Billers on for Oweners and Martyn on for Tiers. This seemed to instigate a revival in the Fajita camp as Moraners was allowed loads of time and space to slot home from just outside the box. COME ON 2-1, Lets Fookin 'Ave it.

2-1 at half time and Dirty obviously felt they could go on and win it. The lads were up for it. Including the roof ant's nearest rival (Moraners) whom immediately engaged in a bit of GBH. Hopefully it was the moany scouse bitch who was the victim as no one would have cared. After all the prior allegations of match fixing, Oweners had redeemed himself to bring it back to 2 a piece. Fajitas went from strength to strength as Whitters hit what looked like a screamer to put Dirty in front. Although it could've easily been a tap in as I have slept since then and I'm finding it hard to remember. Whitters was obviously riled up by now as the ref found out a few minutes later when he was taken out, ending up on the floor weeping . Yet again the moany scouser was at his old tricks although most of his anger was probably coming from Mr Lisham who was taking any chance he got to wind the the little twurp up. Angrily the moany scouse knob-head twat-face had the last laugh as he snook in to score two late goals to put a dent to the Fajitas title chances. All in all a good game of five a side and the Fajitas live on to fight another day.


Goal count:

Kingy: 5

Tiers: 4

Whitters: 2

Oweners: 2

Owers: 2

Ashers: 1

Marrers: 1

Moraners: 1

Taggers: 1

Northers: 1

Women of the match: The two fitties who took mine and Billers's attentions for most of the game.

Person of the Match count:

Fitty: 2

Kingy: 1

Ashers: 1 

Whitters: 1

Tiers: 1

Oweners: 1

Roof Ant: 1

Week 2: Fishy Fajitas 3-4 FC Journos

A team with large people in and one guy who liked to foul but cried when he stubbed his toe. Tiers called him a pussy. The Fajitas laughed. They later got angry with each other as inexplicably they pushed for more goals, despite being 2-1 up at half time, leaving the defence helpless. Surely the easy ball would have been the better option. With the added fact that their keeper was possibly the worst the Fajitas could ever wish to face, this was a very embarrassing defeat indeed. Oh, also - Kingy gave away a penalty. One for the statisticians.

Kingy: 5

Tiers: 4

Owers: 2

Ashers: 1

Marrers: 1

Whitters: 1

Taggers: 1

Oweners: 1

Northers: 1

Man of the Match: There was an ant in the roof somewhere that played better than the whole team combined.

Man of the Match count:

Kingy: 1

Ashers: 1 

Whitters: 1

Tiers: 1

Oweners: 1

Roof Ant: 1