Not only did yesterday's league opener bring about a shock defeat for the mighty Fajitas, it brought to light not one, but TWO headlines.
Firstly, it has become clear that Neil Ruddock, despite reports to suggest otherwise, has a third child and he plays five-a-side football in Derby. Ruddock junior certainly displayed all the athleticism and fouling ability of his father (the ref almost had to abandon the game due to his deafening panting at one point) and the Dirty Army (of one) were treated to a re-enactment of the famous Ruddock vs Cantona battle of the mid 90s in the form of Ruddock jr. vs Moraners - Moraners coming out on top with the unleashing of his trademark "WHAT?".
The second piece of news was more the confirmation of a persistent rumour. Matters, long suspected C.I.A. operative, finally revealed his true American side; twice showing us how Americans don't understand "soccer"; stepping into the area to give two penalties.
Moraners majestically pounded away the first penalty, but the second one was fired straight towards the testicular region. Marrers was happy to see the penalty scored rather than lose the gigantic bollocks of his debutant.
The Fajitas began to play the confident and commanding kind of football that has seen google flooded by requests for the Fajita kit, finding the Bayern keeper in surely the form of his life. Marrers has always said "education before football" to his squad, but when Bayern somehow scored a second goal past the fine Oweners, he was recorded as saying "it would hurt less if Derby actually provided education". Lectures had left the squad threadbare, Marrers turning to his former Farcelona team mate Northers to bolster the squad. It was clear at 2-0 that the Fajitas were beginning to tire (no puke on this occasion) but perhaps this was to be expected - the post-game stats show 200 Dirty shots to Bayern's 10.
Northers pounced on a defensive error late in the game to make the scoreline a tad less flattering to Bayern, but lady luck had long fucked off to the pub.
A first defeat for Dirty, but pundits' opinion is still clear. There is no way in this world that they won't piss this league. A great performance.
Goal count:
Tiers: 4
Kingy: 3
Owers: 2
Marrers: 1
Whitters: 1
Taggers: 1
Oweners: 1
Northers: 1
Man of the Match: A great performance overall, difficult to pick this one. However, the onlooking manager of Farcelona reckoned that Oweners was the best player, so it goes to him. Well played son.
Man of the Match count:
Kingy: 1
Ashers: 1
Whitters: 1
Tiers: 1
Oweners: 1
Sunday, 30 January 2011
Friday, 28 January 2011
Week 1: Fishy Fajitas 6-2 Kersal Massive
Things did not look good for Fishy's first game when referee Dave realised the true pronunciation of "Fajitas", looking and sounded quite pissed off. Additionally, Kersal Massive played quite a sneaky move when it became apparent they could suddenly meet the massive wage demands of a La Liga star, in this case; Ronaldo.
Fishy made an extremely shaky start when Kersal were allowed some truly massive possession for the first five minutes. However, Fishy have quickly gained a reputation for entertaining football (despite not playing a game) and already have 3 fans; this was to increase by 33.3% by the end as Ronaldo's girlfriend realised how much of a childish penis he was being. The Fishy heckly seemed to spur the Fajitas on, and things soon changed.
It took the introduction of debutant Oweners to break the deadlock, despite plenty of Fishy chances - Oweners taking the ball and introducing it to the bottom corner. This was to prove too much for the young upstart, as reports indicate he was throwing up in the dressing room later on.
Kingy took the Fajitas to half time with a clean sheet and aimed to make an impact in the outfield. This was achieved when he took out Ronaldo with a challenge that many deemed fair, and most deemed funny. However the ref took exception and threatened the Fajitas' top scorer with punishment. Punishment or none, Tiers worked his new haircut off to take the goal scoring pressure off Kingy (should he be sent off), weighing in with the first Fishy hat-trick, including a screamer from distance and a well-finished beautiful one-two with Ashers - contributing 4 assists himself.
Even though Kersal had Ronaldo, the result never looked in doubt as Fishy showed a good understanding of each other - even towards the end, when the defence totally evaporated, the opposing threat was minimal. Indeed, Marrers only conceded the first goal because of a double injury to his left bollock and right bollock (thanks for that Owers).
Even Taggers managed to nab one on top of the hilarious own goal from the usually brilliant Ronaldo - this made up for his penalty miss somewhat. It should be noted that it can NEVER be completely forgiven though! This tragic performance from Portugal's top man perfectly justifies him storming off at the end of the game, calling the Fishy army "fucking pricks" and accusing Marrers of thinking "he's fucking Vidic".
Although to be fair, he did used to play with him.
Goal count:
Tiers: 4
Kingy: 3
Owers: 2
Marrers: 1
Whitters: 1
Taggers: 1
Oweners: 1
Man of the Match: Tiers. It was only a week ago that Tiers couldn't even make warm up without nearly collapsing. Look at him now.
Man of the Match count:
Kingy: 1
Ashers: 1
Whitters: 1
Tiers: 1
Fishy made an extremely shaky start when Kersal were allowed some truly massive possession for the first five minutes. However, Fishy have quickly gained a reputation for entertaining football (despite not playing a game) and already have 3 fans; this was to increase by 33.3% by the end as Ronaldo's girlfriend realised how much of a childish penis he was being. The Fishy heckly seemed to spur the Fajitas on, and things soon changed.
It took the introduction of debutant Oweners to break the deadlock, despite plenty of Fishy chances - Oweners taking the ball and introducing it to the bottom corner. This was to prove too much for the young upstart, as reports indicate he was throwing up in the dressing room later on.
Kingy took the Fajitas to half time with a clean sheet and aimed to make an impact in the outfield. This was achieved when he took out Ronaldo with a challenge that many deemed fair, and most deemed funny. However the ref took exception and threatened the Fajitas' top scorer with punishment. Punishment or none, Tiers worked his new haircut off to take the goal scoring pressure off Kingy (should he be sent off), weighing in with the first Fishy hat-trick, including a screamer from distance and a well-finished beautiful one-two with Ashers - contributing 4 assists himself.
Even though Kersal had Ronaldo, the result never looked in doubt as Fishy showed a good understanding of each other - even towards the end, when the defence totally evaporated, the opposing threat was minimal. Indeed, Marrers only conceded the first goal because of a double injury to his left bollock and right bollock (thanks for that Owers).
Even Taggers managed to nab one on top of the hilarious own goal from the usually brilliant Ronaldo - this made up for his penalty miss somewhat. It should be noted that it can NEVER be completely forgiven though! This tragic performance from Portugal's top man perfectly justifies him storming off at the end of the game, calling the Fishy army "fucking pricks" and accusing Marrers of thinking "he's fucking Vidic".
Although to be fair, he did used to play with him.
Goal count:
Tiers: 4
Kingy: 3
Owers: 2
Marrers: 1
Whitters: 1
Taggers: 1
Oweners: 1
Man of the Match: Tiers. It was only a week ago that Tiers couldn't even make warm up without nearly collapsing. Look at him now.
Man of the Match count:
Kingy: 1
Ashers: 1
Whitters: 1
Tiers: 1
Monday, 24 January 2011
Grading Game 3: Dirty Fajitas 3-4 Unknown Team
The Fajitas had it a bit easier on Friday but still somehow managed to lose. Whitters kindly volunteered to go in nets for the first half, and made some decent stops, but could do nothing when Marrers just stepped in the area to concede a penalty. Owers did power through at one point to smash home a really good goal, and a mix-up between the opposing defence and 'keeper lead to an own goal.
Taggers played in goals for the second half and also played a blinder. Whitters slammed home an impressive strike soon after a restart, but the other team somehow managed to get 4 goals, despite them being shit and a dirty improvement of discipline and shape. There was also some good shouting from Tiers and Matters, with some decent running from Tiers and Hobbers.
Things are getting there though...
Goal count:
Kingy: 3
Owers: 2
Tiers: 1
Marrers: 1
Whitters: 1
Man of the Match: Whitters. On a day when everyone was under par, Whitter's goalkeeping and finish shone above all.
Man of the Match count:
Kingy: 1
Ashers: 1
Whitters: 1
Man of the Year: Marrers. Biggest shaft ever.
Taggers played in goals for the second half and also played a blinder. Whitters slammed home an impressive strike soon after a restart, but the other team somehow managed to get 4 goals, despite them being shit and a dirty improvement of discipline and shape. There was also some good shouting from Tiers and Matters, with some decent running from Tiers and Hobbers.
Things are getting there though...
Goal count:
Kingy: 3
Owers: 2
Tiers: 1
Marrers: 1
Whitters: 1
Man of the Match: Whitters. On a day when everyone was under par, Whitter's goalkeeping and finish shone above all.
Man of the Match count:
Kingy: 1
Ashers: 1
Whitters: 1
Man of the Year: Marrers. Biggest shaft ever.
Friday, 21 January 2011
Grading Game 2: Dirty Fajitas 2-8 The Perfect Game
The Fajitas came crashing back down to earth on Wednesday with a spanking at the hands of last season's Premier League competitors, The Perfect Game. An 8 man team got to the Willows (after a hearty Tesco Value meal lovingly prepared by Marrers) an hour early. This was because Marrers is getting old and didn't take his pills that day.
It became clear that things weren't going to be easy from the start when the Perfect Game demonstrated a cockload of skill immediately and when Whitters waltzed into our penalty area with his first touch of the ball, the Fajitas seemed doomed.
Marrers tried to make sure all 8 men got equal game time, which meant constant substituting - in the end, the shape that the Fajitas stuck to so rigidly in the last match was completely lost. However, with the score in the second half being 2-2, things look positive for the future. Especially as Owers, Kingy and Marrers stayed to help out a random team in the next game, displaying some of the form that have already made the Fajitas a force not to be laughed at with Kingy notching a screamer.
Goal count:
Kingy: 3
Tiers: 1
Marrers: 1
Owers: 1
Man of the Match: Kingy. Two great goals and another committed display.
Man of the Match count:
Kingy: 1
Ashers: 1
It became clear that things weren't going to be easy from the start when the Perfect Game demonstrated a cockload of skill immediately and when Whitters waltzed into our penalty area with his first touch of the ball, the Fajitas seemed doomed.
Marrers tried to make sure all 8 men got equal game time, which meant constant substituting - in the end, the shape that the Fajitas stuck to so rigidly in the last match was completely lost. However, with the score in the second half being 2-2, things look positive for the future. Especially as Owers, Kingy and Marrers stayed to help out a random team in the next game, displaying some of the form that have already made the Fajitas a force not to be laughed at with Kingy notching a screamer.
Goal count:
Kingy: 3
Tiers: 1
Marrers: 1
Owers: 1
Man of the Match: Kingy. Two great goals and another committed display.
Man of the Match count:
Kingy: 1
Ashers: 1
Wednesday, 19 January 2011
Squad Update 2
Squad for Wednesday's game:
Goals : Matters
Defence: Marrers, Owers, Taggers
Midfield: Tiers, Hobbers
Forward: Whitters, Kingy
But remember, we're all about the TOTAL FOOTBALL.
Meet up in the common room for a team meal featuring some half-arsed pasta if you're up for it!
The cost will either be 2.60 (if 8 turn up) or 2.90 (if 7 turn up)!
Goals : Matters
Defence: Marrers, Owers, Taggers
Midfield: Tiers, Hobbers
Forward: Whitters, Kingy
But remember, we're all about the TOTAL FOOTBALL.
Meet up in the common room for a team meal featuring some half-arsed pasta if you're up for it!
The cost will either be 2.60 (if 8 turn up) or 2.90 (if 7 turn up)!
Friday, 14 January 2011
Squad Update 1
Ok, with the amazing interest in Fajiting (thanks lads), it has become blindingly obvious that we can't give everyone a game every week. Which is not great. The possibility of two teams is very real. Dirty Fajitas A and Dirty Fajitas B has been suggested, but Tiers has suggested "Fishy Fajitas" to go with our current name. I like this.
One thing is clear. The two teams would NOT be based on who is better than who. There would be two qualifiers: preferred position and availability. Two players from the heroic performance today have already said they're in lectures until 5 on Fridays, which would mean they would maybe be better off in the Wednesday team (Fishy would be the Wednesday team).
What is also important is we're still one team, one squad. Well that is what I'd like anyway. So whilst we can decide provisional teams for each side, we can share across the two teams. But everyone must get equal game time, roughly.
We have one more grading game next Friday, at 14:40. Who wants to play? People who didn't play the first one would be better I think, and then we can decide on the rough teams.
Cheers,
Captain Marrers
One thing is clear. The two teams would NOT be based on who is better than who. There would be two qualifiers: preferred position and availability. Two players from the heroic performance today have already said they're in lectures until 5 on Fridays, which would mean they would maybe be better off in the Wednesday team (Fishy would be the Wednesday team).
What is also important is we're still one team, one squad. Well that is what I'd like anyway. So whilst we can decide provisional teams for each side, we can share across the two teams. But everyone must get equal game time, roughly.
We have one more grading game next Friday, at 14:40. Who wants to play? People who didn't play the first one would be better I think, and then we can decide on the rough teams.
Cheers,
Captain Marrers
Grading Game 1: Dirty Fajitas 4-0 Unknown New Team
The team gathered at Nunnery for the team photo. Spirits seemed high. However, with several shots flying wide and Tiers and Marrers getting fucked during the warm up, things didn't seem good. The situation worsened when Marrers said "right, who is in net then?" to a deafly silence. A rolling 'keeper system was decided upon, with Ashers kicking things off.
From the very start, it became clear that Fajitas' opponents were highly technically gifted. The Fajitas worked well to restrict them to crappy little pot shots though, and when Tiers broke through with just the 'keeper to beat, he duly obliged with a 'meg. Shortly after Captain Marrers stepped up to blast a penalty into the top corner (his first goal at this level) and Kingy rounded off another counter attacking move just before half time to put the Dirty boys in control.
Stamina began to elude the Fajitas very quickly after half-time, not having the benefit of a sub, unlike their opposition. A dash of total football mixed with some "keen" tackling from Ashers, Kingy and Owers kept the unknowns at bay though, helped by some flukey boob saves from Marrers. When Owers slotted in from an impossible angle late on, the tie became evermore comfortable for team Fadge Eating. A second penalty clipped the outside of the post from Tiers, but we won't talk about that.
Fajiting FTW!
Goal count:
Tiers: 1
Marrers: 1
Kingy: 1
Owers: 1
Man of the Match: Ashers. The lack of a goal did not stop him working his colossal legs off all match. A great team effort all round though!
From the very start, it became clear that Fajitas' opponents were highly technically gifted. The Fajitas worked well to restrict them to crappy little pot shots though, and when Tiers broke through with just the 'keeper to beat, he duly obliged with a 'meg. Shortly after Captain Marrers stepped up to blast a penalty into the top corner (his first goal at this level) and Kingy rounded off another counter attacking move just before half time to put the Dirty boys in control.
Stamina began to elude the Fajitas very quickly after half-time, not having the benefit of a sub, unlike their opposition. A dash of total football mixed with some "keen" tackling from Ashers, Kingy and Owers kept the unknowns at bay though, helped by some flukey boob saves from Marrers. When Owers slotted in from an impossible angle late on, the tie became evermore comfortable for team Fadge Eating. A second penalty clipped the outside of the post from Tiers, but we won't talk about that.
Fajiting FTW!
Goal count:
Tiers: 1
Marrers: 1
Kingy: 1
Owers: 1
Man of the Match: Ashers. The lack of a goal did not stop him working his colossal legs off all match. A great team effort all round though!
Hello.
Hello. And so the legend begins. Team for today: Marrers, Ashers, Owers, Tiers and Kingy. Let's go!
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