Not only did yesterday's league opener bring about a shock defeat for the mighty Fajitas, it brought to light not one, but TWO headlines.
Firstly, it has become clear that Neil Ruddock, despite reports to suggest otherwise, has a third child and he plays five-a-side football in Derby. Ruddock junior certainly displayed all the athleticism and fouling ability of his father (the ref almost had to abandon the game due to his deafening panting at one point) and the Dirty Army (of one) were treated to a re-enactment of the famous Ruddock vs Cantona battle of the mid 90s in the form of Ruddock jr. vs Moraners - Moraners coming out on top with the unleashing of his trademark "WHAT?".
The second piece of news was more the confirmation of a persistent rumour. Matters, long suspected C.I.A. operative, finally revealed his true American side; twice showing us how Americans don't understand "soccer"; stepping into the area to give two penalties.
Moraners majestically pounded away the first penalty, but the second one was fired straight towards the testicular region. Marrers was happy to see the penalty scored rather than lose the gigantic bollocks of his debutant.
The Fajitas began to play the confident and commanding kind of football that has seen google flooded by requests for the Fajita kit, finding the Bayern keeper in surely the form of his life. Marrers has always said "education before football" to his squad, but when Bayern somehow scored a second goal past the fine Oweners, he was recorded as saying "it would hurt less if Derby actually provided education". Lectures had left the squad threadbare, Marrers turning to his former Farcelona team mate Northers to bolster the squad. It was clear at 2-0 that the Fajitas were beginning to tire (no puke on this occasion) but perhaps this was to be expected - the post-game stats show 200 Dirty shots to Bayern's 10.
Northers pounced on a defensive error late in the game to make the scoreline a tad less flattering to Bayern, but lady luck had long fucked off to the pub.
A first defeat for Dirty, but pundits' opinion is still clear. There is no way in this world that they won't piss this league. A great performance.
Goal count:
Tiers: 4
Kingy: 3
Owers: 2
Marrers: 1
Whitters: 1
Taggers: 1
Oweners: 1
Northers: 1
Man of the Match: A great performance overall, difficult to pick this one. However, the onlooking manager of Farcelona reckoned that Oweners was the best player, so it goes to him. Well played son.
Man of the Match count:
Kingy: 1
Ashers: 1
Whitters: 1
Tiers: 1
Oweners: 1
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