Week 8: Fishy Fajitas 5-1 Red Stripe Belgrade

Tiers blasted a stunning brace as Fishy came from obscurity to thrash Red Stripe in Derby. Marrers' team are now on course to qualify for the Second Division next year, following a result that will send shockwaves through the international game.

 

Red Stripe had never lost one Student League game in their history - but suddenly they were torn apart by a Fishy team playing slick football with a clinical edge up front. Tiers will win the headlines, but there were heroes all over the pitch for the Fajitas - with captain Marrers and rejuvenated goalkeeper Owers in particularly fine form..

The win means Marrers' men are five points behind leaders Red Stripe in Division Three - but they have no games in hand and, crucially, their goal difference is now substantially not as inferior. A win against Multiple Scoregasms next Wednesday would take them nearer to the top of the group. Such a prospect looked plausible when Tiers fired the Fajitas in front within six minutes. England's young studs roared in menacing fashion to destroy Red Stripe's proud record. And the much-heralded Belgrade engine room was completely out-paced by Ashers' go-faster stripes, as Fishy moved closer to pole position in the race for the championship. 

It looked bleak for the visitors when Fishy took the lead, The defence allowing Tiers to steer home some Fishy play. But if Fishy's defenders looked nervous together, then the Red Stripe's seemed nothing short of petrified. The Belgrade goalkeeper looked more flappable than anyone else on a night riddled with errors across the pitch. After all the pre-match Belgrade criticism of Owers and the claims heralding their own 'keeper as the world's number one, the division leaders' keeper was left with egg on his face.

Only a few minutes were on the clock when the Belgrade 'keeper was caught horribly out of position from a teasing cross.
The English keeper flapped at thin air as Ashers cleverly cushioned a pass into the path of Tiers who coolly slotted into an unguarded net.

At the other end, though, Owers was silencing his critics with a brilliant one-handed save to turn away a low shot and keep it at 1-0. Belgrade were guilty of a glaring miss when their striker fluffed his shot when completely unmarked - and that proved to be just the second warning that Marrers' side needed.

Fishy punished the astonishing miss deep into first-half injury time when Ashers headed down the pitch to unleash an unstoppable drive beyond the keeper's despairing grasp. The half-time boost lifted Fishy's spirits, but few would have predicted the astonishing second-half blitz which was to follow.

Tiers gave England a vital two-goal cushion when he neatly tucked a shot inside the near post after Marrers had superbly snuffed out another Belgrade attack. Ashers was in deadly form and he did not have to wait long for his brace. Taggers sent him scampering clear with a superb through ball and the hungry striker ignored Oweners' call to blaze home a sensational shot into the top left-hand corner. On a night when some of Fishy's finest triumphs were remembered, the timing of Ashers' brace was pleasantly significant. Owener's moment did arrive, though, as the big striker put the seal on the win some minutes from time. Billers squared the ball into an empty Belgrade backline and Oweners held off a challenge to slot home and complete Wales' one-man contribution to the scoring.

 

The floodgates had long since been opened, but now the exit doors were thrown open too as Belgrade fans headed for home in their singles. The Fishy supporters stayed right where they were, pinching themselves and wondering whether it was all a dream.

Goal count:

Oweners: 16

Tiers: 9
Kingy: 8

Ashers: 4
Whitters: 4

Taggers: 2

Owers: 2

Marrers: 2
Moraners: 1
Northers: 1

Man of the match: Owers. Duh.
 

Person of the match count:

Fitty: 2
Oweners: 2

Taggers: 2
Tiers : 2
Kingy: 2
Roof Ant: 2
Billers: 2

Marrers: 2
Ashers: 1
Whitters: 1

Owers: 1