Week 8: Fishy Fajitas 5-1 Red Stripe Belgrade

Tiers blasted a stunning brace as Fishy came from obscurity to thrash Red Stripe in Derby. Marrers' team are now on course to qualify for the Second Division next year, following a result that will send shockwaves through the international game.

 

Red Stripe had never lost one Student League game in their history - but suddenly they were torn apart by a Fishy team playing slick football with a clinical edge up front. Tiers will win the headlines, but there were heroes all over the pitch for the Fajitas - with captain Marrers and rejuvenated goalkeeper Owers in particularly fine form..

The win means Marrers' men are five points behind leaders Red Stripe in Division Three - but they have no games in hand and, crucially, their goal difference is now substantially not as inferior. A win against Multiple Scoregasms next Wednesday would take them nearer to the top of the group. Such a prospect looked plausible when Tiers fired the Fajitas in front within six minutes. England's young studs roared in menacing fashion to destroy Red Stripe's proud record. And the much-heralded Belgrade engine room was completely out-paced by Ashers' go-faster stripes, as Fishy moved closer to pole position in the race for the championship. 

It looked bleak for the visitors when Fishy took the lead, The defence allowing Tiers to steer home some Fishy play. But if Fishy's defenders looked nervous together, then the Red Stripe's seemed nothing short of petrified. The Belgrade goalkeeper looked more flappable than anyone else on a night riddled with errors across the pitch. After all the pre-match Belgrade criticism of Owers and the claims heralding their own 'keeper as the world's number one, the division leaders' keeper was left with egg on his face.

Only a few minutes were on the clock when the Belgrade 'keeper was caught horribly out of position from a teasing cross.
The English keeper flapped at thin air as Ashers cleverly cushioned a pass into the path of Tiers who coolly slotted into an unguarded net.

At the other end, though, Owers was silencing his critics with a brilliant one-handed save to turn away a low shot and keep it at 1-0. Belgrade were guilty of a glaring miss when their striker fluffed his shot when completely unmarked - and that proved to be just the second warning that Marrers' side needed.

Fishy punished the astonishing miss deep into first-half injury time when Ashers headed down the pitch to unleash an unstoppable drive beyond the keeper's despairing grasp. The half-time boost lifted Fishy's spirits, but few would have predicted the astonishing second-half blitz which was to follow.

Tiers gave England a vital two-goal cushion when he neatly tucked a shot inside the near post after Marrers had superbly snuffed out another Belgrade attack. Ashers was in deadly form and he did not have to wait long for his brace. Taggers sent him scampering clear with a superb through ball and the hungry striker ignored Oweners' call to blaze home a sensational shot into the top left-hand corner. On a night when some of Fishy's finest triumphs were remembered, the timing of Ashers' brace was pleasantly significant. Owener's moment did arrive, though, as the big striker put the seal on the win some minutes from time. Billers squared the ball into an empty Belgrade backline and Oweners held off a challenge to slot home and complete Wales' one-man contribution to the scoring.

 

The floodgates had long since been opened, but now the exit doors were thrown open too as Belgrade fans headed for home in their singles. The Fishy supporters stayed right where they were, pinching themselves and wondering whether it was all a dream.

Goal count:

Oweners: 16

Tiers: 9
Kingy: 8

Ashers: 4
Whitters: 4

Taggers: 2

Owers: 2

Marrers: 2
Moraners: 1
Northers: 1

Man of the match: Owers. Duh.
 

Person of the match count:

Fitty: 2
Oweners: 2

Taggers: 2
Tiers : 2
Kingy: 2
Roof Ant: 2
Billers: 2

Marrers: 2
Ashers: 1
Whitters: 1

Owers: 1

Week 7: Fishy Fajitas 3-3 FC Journos

As Marrers left his RA Palace this past Wednesday, there was a rumour that a random Fajita would be placed in front of the GAC firing squad to pay the ultimate price for defeat. It wasn't Crystal clear, however - and Admiral Marrers refused to give a Churchill-like insurance in his post-match interview.

FC Journos emerged from the local McDonalds just in time for kick-off and there could be no denying that the Fajitas were relishing the tie; the boys were hoping to cut the mustard this time round.

When Owers got tackled by the wall early on, however, the Selhurst rifles braced themselves for duty. Journos decided to employ the tried-and-tested foul the fuck out of the opposition tactic again, and Marrers was seen to thank the Lord Freedman Christ that Whitters had made way at the last minute for the Fajitas' top scorer Oweners.

It must be said that without Oweners, we would be burying a Fajita right now.

Goal count:

Oweners: 12
Kingy: 8
Tiers: 6
Whitters: 4

Taggers: 2

Owers: 2

Ashers: 2
Marrers: 1
Moraners: 1
Northers: 1

Man of the match: Taggers, as chosen by current Talent Scout Kingy - never stopped running and bagged a fine equaliser.

Person of the match count:


Fitty: 2
Oweners: 2

Taggers: 2
Tiers : 2
Kingy: 2
Roof Ant: 2
Billers: 2
Ashers: 1
Whitters: 1
Marrers: 1

Week 4: Fishy Fajitas 3-6 Multiple Scoregasms

This is a game in which the opposing team scored six goals to the Fajitas' three and the referee was fucking catwank. Oweners says he scored a belter, yet no-one can remember it.

Goal count:

Kingy: 8
Tiers: 6
Oweners: 3
Whitters: 2
Owers: 2
Ashers: 2
Marrers: 1
Moraners: 1
Taggers: 1
Northers: 1

Man of the match: The roof ant came from the shadows to outclass us all again.

Person of the Match count:

Fitty: 2
Tiers : 2
Kingy: 2
Roof Ant: 2
Ashers: 1
Whitters: 1
Oweners: 1
Taggers: 1

Week 4: Dirty Fajitas 3-0 Derby UDE Squad

Dirty got their first win this week with a commanding performance against the league's bottom team. Kingy scored a beautiful little spanker from a tight angle. Tiers and Ashers also got one each. The rest of the game's happenings have been lost to the sands of time.


This game was attended by a record number of Fajitas, thanks guys and gals!

Goal count:

Kingy: 6
Tiers: 6
Whitters: 2
Oweners: 2
Owers: 2
Ashers: 2
Marrers: 1
Moraners: 1
Taggers: 1
Northers: 1

Man of the match: Kingy. Can't remember why.

Person of the Match count:

Fitty: 2
Tiers : 2
Kingy: 2
Ashers: 1
Whitters: 1
Oweners: 1
Roof Ant: 1
Taggers: 1

Week 2: Dirty Fajitas 3-4 Public Services Group X

Whats That? You're a Moany Scouse Bitch? - by Taggers. Corrected (in theory) by Marrers ;)

Well it all seemed we were destined to fail without our star player/team coach, Alex the “Marrers” Marriott; for the first half it seemed that this was going to be true for the Fajitas as we went 1-0 down in the first ten minutes. It is widely reported that Matters was at fault for this goal. He is a fucking cocktease. This didn't seem to affect Moraner's game as he was as enthusiastic as ever, chasing down every ball and clattering everyone in sight. It looked like the Fajitas had a way back into the game when one of the Public Servicemen put a foot into the box. Oweners then stood up to partake in what would obviously be the most important moment of his footballing career to date. The pressure was obviously getting to him as he hit it a foot high and it rebounded back into open play. (I blame the fitties who were on the balcony, obviously only there to put the Fajitas off their game). The game carried on with Whitters making some fine saves to keep the Fajitas in the game and Oweners having a few decent shots to try and make up for his earlier blatant match fixing penalty miss. Again, the fitties had agreed to let him cop a feel if he sabotaged the game.

Just when the Fajitas looked like they were getting back into the game: BANG, the services went 2 up. This gave Tiers and Matters much displeasure as they showed with a heavy use of profanities.

Time for a change: Twinkle toes Billers on for Oweners and Martyn on for Tiers. This seemed to instigate a revival in the Fajita camp as Moraners was allowed loads of time and space to slot home from just outside the box. COME ON 2-1, Lets Fookin 'Ave it.

2-1 at half time and Dirty obviously felt they could go on and win it. The lads were up for it. Including the roof ant's nearest rival (Moraners) whom immediately engaged in a bit of GBH. Hopefully it was the moany scouse bitch who was the victim as no one would have cared. After all the prior allegations of match fixing, Oweners had redeemed himself to bring it back to 2 a piece. Fajitas went from strength to strength as Whitters hit what looked like a screamer to put Dirty in front. Although it could've easily been a tap in as I have slept since then and I'm finding it hard to remember. Whitters was obviously riled up by now as the ref found out a few minutes later when he was taken out, ending up on the floor weeping . Yet again the moany scouser was at his old tricks although most of his anger was probably coming from Mr Lisham who was taking any chance he got to wind the the little twurp up. Angrily the moany scouse knob-head twat-face had the last laugh as he snook in to score two late goals to put a dent to the Fajitas title chances. All in all a good game of five a side and the Fajitas live on to fight another day.


Goal count:

Kingy: 5

Tiers: 4

Whitters: 2

Oweners: 2

Owers: 2

Ashers: 1

Marrers: 1

Moraners: 1

Taggers: 1

Northers: 1

Women of the match: The two fitties who took mine and Billers's attentions for most of the game.

Person of the Match count:

Fitty: 2

Kingy: 1

Ashers: 1 

Whitters: 1

Tiers: 1

Oweners: 1

Roof Ant: 1